[helicopter whirring, siren wails]
( male ) Stop right there !
Get over here.
Do you want me to let you cross the border?
Sí, Officer.
l'll do anything to see my wife and children.
Anything?
Yes, Mr. Border Patrol...
Anything.
We'll, then..
let's just see how good a cocksucker you are.
But, l'm a married man.
And now you're on my land.
So, if y ou want to stay in the good ol' United States,
you better start lickin' my huevos.
[zipper opens]
There you go.
Hmm... Just lik e that...
Daddy likes that...
There you go...
Nice...
[knocking on door]
- Dieguito? - Oh, shit!
What's all that noise? Are you okay?
Hello? Diego?
You said your grandmother was a heavy sleeper.
Get the music!
[music plays]
Answer me. Are you okay?
You're still here?
Pablo and l were watching a show about--
lllegal immigrants.
lt's really humiliating the way the border patrol
treat those people.
True, true.
lt's late.
Remember we have a long day tomorrow.
Well, goodnight, Doña Sara.
Good night.
[DJ announces in Spanish]
Will you slow down?
Our employees can do that.
You know...
this place is going to be yours some day.
The thing is l've been thinking about leaving LA
and maybe opening my own restaurant.
And what's wrong with this place?
Abue la...
l went to Culinary Academy. C'mon.
l know.
l paid for it.
And?
l need to get out of here...
Make a name for myself.
How could you think of leaving?
There are so many memories here.
You were toilet trained in that kitchen.
Your mother and father - que en paz descansen -
they had their last meal at that table.
[door opens]
Buenos días. Are y ou open for business?
Pues claro que sí.
Wow... You look great.
l'll have a beer.
[Ranchero music plays]
You're burning the enchiladas, idiota.
Where's 56? l need 56.
56?
Two grilled burritos, with no beans, no rice,
no guacamole and mild salsa.
What kind of a wimp ordered that?
And just because l danced with him,
he kept chasing me around the club.
Oh, thanks, Diego.
Anyway, this guy from the club will not leave me alone.
l think he's falling in love with me--
(Diego ) Who ordered chimichangas, extra cheese?
Diego, these are my friends -
Xotchil and Jasmine.
- Hi. - Pleasure to meet you.
Tiffany, table seven needs a diet Coke and two Millers.
Sí, jefe.
Girl, he's so gorgeous.
Did you see his butt? Did you see how jealous he was?
l swear, he wants me.
House prices in the ne ighborhood are going through the roof.
Just look at the size of this room.
lt is the perfect family room.
Your loved ones can gather around here, play games,
watch TV, sit by the fireplace...
Perfect.
How many kids did you say you have?
Just two. They're twins.
So, what brings you and your wife
to sunny Southern California.
My wife and l divorced.
Sorry to hear that.
l'm sure y ou'll find a nice girl though.
You're young, handsome...
in great shape.
Do you work out?
That's from carrying the kids around.
Do you ever spank your children?
lt depends if they misbehave.
So, you're a stern little papi.
We ll...children need discipline.
Not just children.
ls that right?
That's right...
So...what kind of a place are you looking for?
l don't care...
As long as it's far away from here.
l just want to get out so we can be together.
What about the twins?
Enough of the role playing.
Enough. l'm talking about us.
We've been together for over a year.
Don't you want us to be a couple?
What? A couple of fags?
l'm okay with that.
Pablo, l don't know where y ou live.
l haven't met your family--
Diego!
l care about you, but look...
but l need to keep my personal life low ''pro.''
- l'm getting tired of this. - We ll, l'm not.
l'll ne v er get tired of y ou, my stern little papi.
You sure about that?
Yeah, l'm sure.
Sure?
That's what l said.
Okay...you're gonna hav e to proveit.
You're gonna discipline me?
You don't know what l'd do to do to you, Mr. Real Estate.
l didn't sell any houses last week.
l need to be disciplined.
Come on, take it off me.
( Sara ) Diego?
About time - l was getting worried.
Sorry.
Coffee at this hour?
We have a guest.
( female ) ls that Diego?
Aunt Blanca?
What is she doing here?
What do you think?
Diego...
Hi.
Hey, Blanca.
lt's Bianca.
Remember l changed my name?
Blanca just sounded so barrio.
So did you guys notice? l've lost ten pounds.
You look great.
Honey, are you sure you want coffee at this hour?
lt's almost midnight.
Yes, mami, but it's eight in the morning in France.
l'm still on Monaco time.
l'm going to bed--
No! Wait! l got gifts !
''Monaco time?''
While you and l slave away at the restaurant?
Monaco time?
How much money does she want this time?
l'll tell you after l see the gifts.
Ah, it's beautiful.
Tada !
All French women wear scarves.
Gracias.
Oh, my God, mami !
You look like Princess Caroline.
Ten thousand.
And these are for you !
l got them in Munich.
Aren't those for girls?
Well...
l'm so tired from Cannes.
Did l tell you?
l am working as a party planner.
lt is so much fun.
Although European royalty can be so boring.
And so expensive.
Remember Count Von Bisquit?
Von Bismark.
Do y ou know that if wasn't for me
he would have never regained his castle?
You did it at your mother's expense.
lt cost her $ 2 0,000.
Don't remind me.
Why did y ou have to tell him?
Do you think l'm blind, Bianca?
Your mother and l work our asses off at the restaurant
so you can go parading around--
Diego, por favor.
Baby, no.
You're too good for that gigolo.
That's the truth.
l tried so hard to make that work.
l gave him two years of my life.
And $ 20,000.
l promise y ou you'll get through this.
You have your family. And we love you.
Right, Diego?
Right.
[Latin music pla ys]
( male ) Dear Editor of El Día:
l ha v e liv ed in this neighborhood since 1954.
This neighborhood has been my home and my refuge.
And now white homos are snatching up our houses,
hiking up our property taxes and forcing us
poor Latinos out of our own homes.
l warn y ou: lf we don't put a stop
to these degenerates, we'll wind up
doing their y ards and cleaning their houses.
We must get rid of this before they take what is -
and shall continue to be - our precious neighborhood.
Sincerely,
Rogelio Armando Robles.
Good boy, Bimbo.
Good boy!
Hey, l saw that!
Pick it up!
How would y ou like it if l took a shit in front of your house?
Sorry. Me no speak English.
Well, in that case,
Go fuck yourself and your dog !
You go fuck yourself, you faggot!
Fuck you, you old Mexican !
- What the hell is going on? - Look at that!
A dog took a shit! So what?
His dog ! Call the police !
And tell them what?
ln West Hollywood you can get arrested
for not curbing your dog !
Jonathan, this is not West Hollywood.
Think of it as fertilizer.
Just pick up the mess !
l'm calling the cops.
This is a pretty strong letter, Don Rogelio.
Gays are people too.
The hell they are.
Speed it up, we open in five.
Whatever you say, my jefecito.
[door opens]
l'm sorry, you have to leave.
We're not open yet.
Relax, honey. l own this place.
Did you see the letter one of our employees wrote?
l don't have time.
Well, you better make time.
Who's that talking to Diego?
That's his Aunt Blanca.
Blanca...
what the hell have you done to your eyes?
They're blue !
Don't you talk to me, you bigot.
We can't let those homos move here.
They set a bad example to our community.
And alcoholic, womanizing men like you, don't?
We need to pray for them.
Yes, pray that they burn in he ll !
How can you say that? You idiot!
Can't you see that my nephew is gay?
Let go of me ! Let go!
You know what?
- You should be thanking me. - That was my secret!
How would you like it if l told them
you've been in an orgy?
A four-way is not an orgy!
And besides, what's wrong with being gay?
Are you kidding?
How can you even be asking me that -
in this neighborhood?
- Oh, screw them. - You probably have.
That's it! l'm out of here !
Go ahead !
Run ! lt's what you always do.
You come here, stir the shit up, and l get stuck with the mess !
You sure he never tried to touch you?
Tiffany, are your tables set?
What's today's special?
Queer-sadillas !
Pablo, l need to talk to you.
Not now!
Diego--
Pablo Morales?
Blanca Campos?
lt's Bianca now.
l have not seen you since high school.
Looks like you're doing we ll.
Well, l was just voted
Number One Latino Realtor in Southern California.
Très impressive !
Oui ! Oui !
Well, you must join me for lunch.
l'm sorry, it's gonna have to be dinner.
l'm still on Monaco Time.
Get in.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You should have denied it.
Why?
Because you don't want to be seen with a fag?
l'm trying to protect you.
That's bullshit.
All you care about is yourself and your reputation.
My reputation is very important to me.
This is my turf.
And nobody's gonna fuck it up!
You can sell houses anywhere.
We can go wherever you want. l don't care.
We? There's no ''we'' here.
How can you say that?
We've been going out for over a year.
Diego, we hook up once in a while.
End of story.
That's it?
Yeah, that's it.
And it's over.
After all that we've been through?
You just can't break up with me.
Pablo...
l love you...
l do.
Listen to you...
You're starting to sound like a woman.
[doors unlock]
There you are.
l made some enchiladas for the new neighbors.
You should take them over before they get cold.
l'll do it tomorrow.
Tomorrow you're taking me to the airport.
Abue la, l have to talk to you.
l stopped by the restaurant. Everybody seemed upset.
Are y ou okay?
There's just something l have to tell you.
Diego...whatever you have to tell me,
just know that l will always love you.
Okay?
l'll run the restaurant while you're on vacation.
But as soon as you get back, l'm lea ving.
You should take some time off.
Take a month off like l'm doing.
l'm not talking about a vacation.
l knew this day would come.
l just didn't think it would be so soon.
Come on, grandma. l'm almost 30.
You've never lived alone.
You've never had another job. You don't have any friends--
l'll be fine...
Okay? l'll be fine.
Well, y ou make sure you train Bianca while l'm gone
because she's gonna have to take over.
l'll train her.
The enchiladas are getting cold.
So you're okay?
My flight leaves at seven, so just make sure...
Don't stay up too late.
[doorbell rings]
Hi.
Hi...l'm your neighbor.
Diego Campos.
My grandmother made some enchiladas.
Thank you.
Wesley Anderson.
- Good to meet you. - You wanna come in?
Sure.
Sorry, it's a bit of a mess. We're painting.
lt looks great.
( male ) Wes !
ln a minute.
Can l get you something to drink?
Water? Paint thinner?
l didn't know you sent out for Mexican food.
This is Diego Campos, our neighbor.
l'm Jonathan Webber, Wesley's partner.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
So is there a Mrs. Campos?
We ll, my grandmother.
But every one calls her Sara.
l've never been married.
We ll, do you have a girlfriend?
No.
Never been married, doesn't have a girlfriend,
lives with his grandmother -
The plot thickens.
Do you live with your parents?
No, my parents died.
l'm sorry.
Was it gang-related?
No, they were killed by a drunk driver.
An old white guy.
We ll, on that note... lt was nice to meet you.
Like wise.
l should probably get going.
Thank you very much.
We're having a small get together this Friday night.
Why don't you stop by?
This Friday?
Okay.
Oh, wait.
l can't. l have a lot of things to do.
We ll, if y ou stop being busy, drop by.
lt's a short drive.
Thanks. Enjoy.
Why aren't you going to your neighbors' party?
Maybe they can fix you up with a cute friend.
l don't want to meet anybody. l'm leaving in a month.
A month?
That's like ten years in the gay life !
You have plenty of time to meet someone, move in,
adopt a crack baby--
[doorbell rings]
That's my date.
Please open the door so l can make my entrance.
What?
Open the fucking door!
(Diego ) l'm not your damn maid !
Pablo!
What's up, man?
Where's Bianca?
You're taking her out?
What's your problem?
She's my Aunt!
You and l...
l'm gonna tell her.
You're not telling her shit.
There's nothing between us.
Diego, l'm straight.
You're kidding, right?
lt was just a phase. And l'm over it.
The truth of the matter is...
l love pussy.
Paolo, mi caro.
Bianca... ¡estás be llís ima !
l made dinner reservations at a romantic ltalian restaurant.
¡Yo adoro lo ltaliano!
Ciao, Diego.
[techno music plays]
Hola !
Ever wonder why kitchens are the first place
people gravitate to when they first get to a party?
ls it the warmth?
ls it the chips and salsa?
Or is it the liquor?
l'm Lowell, Jonathan's boss.
You just grabbed my ass.
Excuse me?
You just walked up to me and grabbed my ass.
Oh, lighten up.
lt's just a party.
Hey, you made it.
lf you don't mind me asking,
how long have you and Jonathan been together?
Two years.
Where did y ou guys meet?
At a White Party.
Oh, like the one inside?
No.
At a circuit parties where everybody wears white.
Jonathan was wearing these blue overalls.
He looked so cute.
He'd just gotten off the bus.
From where?
Pascagula, Mississippi.
The Cabbage Capital of the World.
So, is this, like, your first relationship?
You ask a lot of questions.
l know. l'm sorry--
So, how come you're still unattached?
l've been...seeing someone for the last year.
You should have brought...him.
lt's a him, right?
Yeah...
Yeah, it's a him.
Thing is we broke up though.
But l'm cool about it.
He and l didn't have much in common.
We...liked different things.
He liked cats.
Wesley!
Don't forget there's a party going on inside.
Come on, let's head back.
l can't.
l have an early day tomorrow.
lt was nice talking to y ou.
You too.
Thanks for the water.
You were supposed to be at the restaurant this morning.
l'm sorry. loverslept.
lt's the jetlag. ls dinner ready?
- You mean, breakfast? - Breakfast?
Yeah, aren't you still on Monaco time?
Rosas !
Pablo is such a gentleman.
l don't want to jinx it,
but l think l've found ''the one.''
Shut the hell up!
You'v e gone out with him once.
Diego, when it's right, you just know.
Did you ask him about his last relationship?
He's never been married, you know.
So? Neither have l.
There's something you should know about him.
l've, uh...
l've heard...he's been with other men.
We ll, big fuckin' deal !
l'v e been with women.
A Swedish model - lngegerd.
But please, don't you tell mami.
[doorbell rings]
Oh, my God !
Look at me ! What if it's him?
- Go get it. - l don't want to get it.
This is horseshit.
- Wesley. - Hey.
Buenas noches.
Come in.
This is great.
Tell your grandmother: Muy buenas enchiladas.
Absolutely.
- Would you like some wine? - No, thanks.
Beer, scotch, tequila...
You name it, we've got it.
l don't drink alcohol.
Okay--
No, no.
Old picture. Don't have my front teeth.
Why don't you join me for dinner?
l don't want to impose.
You're not imposing.
l know you weren't expecting me.
No, stay. lt's no bother.
You sure l won't be a bother?
(Bianca ) Oh, stay already.
Who's that?
That's my crazy aunt.
We keep her locked up.
lt's my dream restaurant.
l've been working on it for years.
So if you laugh, l'll kill you.
Come on, let's see it.
Let me show you the menu.
Wow!
You're really talented.
Have you shown this to investors?
No, nobody's seen it but you.
l'm...opening my own restaurant.
Give me five years.
Five years? Why wait?
You have the menu, the design - you obviously have the talent.
There are plenty of locations.
l'll help you find the perfect place.
l'm moving to Phoenix in a month.
You're leaving?
Yeah.
l figure l'd work my way up at a five-star restaurant.
Just see where it goes.
We're gonna miss you.
You know what?
l've finally got the courage to get out,
to...be ''out''.
lt's just something l could never do here.
Have you tried?
And here's the dessert menu.
Diego, what are they gonna do?
Stone you to death?
Look at me.
l'm openly gay and l'm still standing.
Stick around.
Are you guys okay?
Diego, please cover for me. l'll be right back.
Hey, where are you going?
Tiffany!
Mesero! Hello?
Are you guys ready to order?
We ordered 20 minutes ago.
Where's our food?
Let me check. l'll be right back.
Thank you.
Where's table six?
l need table six.
Here you go. Enjoy your food.
lf y ou need anything at all just let me know.
Ah, look at y ou. Go clear that table.
l can't.
Why? Are you flaking out again?
Come on, we're late.
Sí, mi amor.
Wish me luck.
Hurry it up.
l don't want you smelling of grease.
Diego, l want you to meet Mr. Martínez and Mr. González.
- Diego. - Hi.
They're friends from church.
They used to be homosexuals just like you !
Right guys?
Right. But look at us now.
See? lt works !
You can change too!
They want to talk to you about conversion therapy.
Because being gay in East LA?
No way!
Wrong briefcase.
Waiter!
Hi ! How's your dinner?
We ordered the grilled camarones.
What's this?
The kitchen made a mistake.
l'll fix it for you - on the house.
Two orders of grilled shrimp.
Don't you understand English?
Salvador!
¡ ldiota ! ¡Apúrate con esas fajitas !
Hey! l'm talking to you !
l'm busy, l'm working.
Salvador, pass me the chile.
l want those plates...
Now!
You heard the chief.
That's it. Get out of here.
l don't need you. Get out.
And who's gonna cook?
l will if l have to.
That's right. l forgot.
You went to study at the culo-nary academy.
You're fired !
What's the matter, chief?
Can't you take a joke?
Get the fuck out of my restaurant!
Fuck you and your restaurant!
l'm a very good cook!
l can get work anywhere !
Salvador!
Finish the enchiladas and grill two orders of shrimp!
Salvador! Don't listen to him !
Now! Go!
Shit! He's having a heart attack.
He's trying to say something.
Get away from me, you faggot!
Table for one, por favor.
Can't you read?
This restaurant is closed.
Sorry.
l guess that's what 'cerrado' means.
No, no, wait. Wesley!
No, stay!
Can't you see he's up to no good?
He's gonna lead y ou down the wrong path !
Don't waste your time.
- Thanks for the ride. - Absolutely.
Wait. Are you busy Saturday?
No, not really.
Why?
lt's my birthday.
l'm gonna have a few people over.
So, do you have a birthday wish?
A death wish is more lik e it.
You're an hour late !
Hi, Jonathan.
Don't tell me it took you two hours
to find a location for an AA meeting.
He's a recovering alcoholic, you know.
l'm celebrating seven years next month.
Come on. We're late.
We have to find a caterer for your party Saturday.
l'll cater your party.
Saturday is Wesley's birthday, not Cinco de Mayo.
You would?
Absolutely, l'd love that. lt'd be fun.
Okay.
Okay... l'll see you then.
Take it easy, Jonathan.
Bye.
You okay with that?
lt's your fucking party.
lf you want piñatas !
What time is your date coming over?
Uh...eight.
Pablo has not called me all day.
l hope he didn't forget.
Of course he wouldn't forget.
He's a standup guy... lsn't he?
- Table looks great. - You really think so?
l don't want to disappoint him.
Hey.
Get in. l want to talk to you.
What do you want?
Let's you and l go for a ride, okay?
You're gonna stand up my aunt?
l'll te ll her something came up.
You motherfucker.
You're fucking unbelievable, you know that.
She's falling in love with you,
and you're just gonna break her heart.
Well, guess what?
lf you don't tell her about us, l will.
We ll, go ahead.
She won't believe you.
We'll see.
Jonathan?
No, thanks. l'm staying away from the carbs.
l'll have some.
Hasn't he been a great help?
Prompt. Efficient.
He even brought his own food.
l'll have another.
Hey, why don't you get it yourself?
Diego's off the clock. Sit down, relax.
- You sure? - Absolutely.
Come on, just one more round.
You heard the birthday boy.
Good help is so hard to find.
Pretty soon the y'll be having us do our own lawns.
He y, how about you start opening up your gifts?
Happy Birthday.
lt's not a knock off, you know.
lt's for our getaway to Maui.
Jonathan, l told you l can't go--
Okay, okay. l'll go get the cake...
since the help is off the clock.
Here.
l almost forgot.
Gracias.
l'm not a very good wrapper.
Turn it around.
l had your name and birthday engraved on it.
lt's really nice.
Here. Try it on.
Do you mind?
Silv er is really cheap in Tijuana.
And so is good sex.
l would like to make a toast.
To Wes,
my partner and the love of my life.
Cheers ! Happy Birthday.
( all) Salud.
And let's toast Dennis and Dan
for having their house offer accepted.
Now that so many of us are moving here, we need to unite.
Let's start a petition, and bring some gay pride
to this neighborhood.
That's so ''Norma Rae'' of you, Jonathan.
Well, someone has to take charge.
We need to clean up the area -
get rid of the riff raff.
You've seen how these people live--
Jonathan, get the cake.
(Diego ) And don't forget the plates.
What did y ou just say?
You heard me.
And get the fork s while you're at it, too.
Hey!
Why don't we all go to the kitchen and cut the cake.
l'm not moving.
Fine. l'll get the cake.
No. Sit down.
lt's your birthday. l'll get it.
This is my goddamn house ! And l will get the cake !
You seem a little tipsy.
Sure you don't want me to get it?
You fucking little--
- ¿ Qué pasó, cabrón? - Guys, come on !
l say we have a wresting match to see who gets...
the cake.
Diego! Wait up.
How much do l owe you for the food?
Don't worry about it.
- Happy Birthday. - Thank s.
Let me help you carry this home.
l'm not going home.
Look, l'm sorry.
l know that when my friends all get together--
Your friends aren't the problem.
l know.
Don't pay any attention to Jonathan.
He just had too much to drink.
He's under a lot of stress -
especially after buy ing the house.
lt's cool. l get it.
Good. l'm glad you understand.
Of course l do.
You're stuck and you can't get out.
That was an excellent meal, mi amor.
All homemade.
Even the tortillas.
Mi amor, tú sabes, que estás bien sexy...
but l want to respect you.
Pablo...
l appreciate you being such a caballero,
but l would not be offended if you wanted
to take things a little bit further.
What...are you doing?
l want to please you...
l want to drive you crazy!
No, Bianca. Stop.
Oh, l get it.
You want me to beg for it, don't you?
Ah, Señor. Please let me suck you off.
Me so hungry.
No! Don't...
Oh, look who's waking up...
And it's not a flauta -- it's a burrito!
l'll do anything, officer.
Just don't send me back to Me xico.
Pablo, are you here illegally?
No, no!
Just don't hurt my wife and kids.
What wife and kids?
Shut up!
Just give it to me...
That's it...
You know, if you're here illegally, l know this great--
Just play along !
Ah...
Oh...
Wes, this is Adam and Steve.
They're friends of Dennis and Dan.
- Hello. - Shalom.
You guys look around. l'll be right with you.
- Kitchen. - Yes.
l found us some buyers.
lf we play our cards right, we can make a $ 30,000 profit.
l want to talk to you about the house.
This is not a house - it's an investment.
And the real estate market is really hot right now.
We just got here. l'm not ready to move.
You're just being sentimental, this being our first home.
We clearly don't be long here.
You guys, the master bedroom is to your left.
Jonathan, l like it here.
Of course you do.
You're not the one who's being threatened.
l don't feel safe here. None of our neighbors lik e me.
Haven't you noticed they don't like gay men?
There are plenty of gay men in this neighborhood.
You're not even trying.
You don't know what it's like to grow up in a trailer park,
eating Spam, fighting bullies.
l'm not going through that again.
So what do you guys think? lsn't it fabulous?
- lt's super fabulous. - lt's superduper fabulous.
- How are the schools? - Are they safe?
We're adopting a little Chinese girl.
Little Ling-Ling.
[sound of TV]
Hola. ¿ Cómo están?
Buenas.
Me dicen cuando estan listo.
Cerrado?
No, we're open. How can l help you?
l never got to thank you for my gift.
Don't worry about it.
Ah, isn't that sweet?
What did he say?
He wanted to know if we delivered.
This food is delicious.
Why isn't it on the menu?
Nouvelle cuisine in Tío Pepe's?
We'd go broke.
You underestimate your clientele.
Good food is good food.
lt's the kind of food l'll be serving
when l open my restaurant in Phoenix.
You still thinking of moving?
Of course l am. Why wouldn't l?
l'd reconsider leaving if l were you.
l heard the word Phoenix means ''bash me'' in Native American.
''Bash me'' in Native American, huh?
Yeah.
Wesley, why don't you just come out and say it?
What?
You don't want me to go.
Do you?
l don't think you do.
We gotta slow down.
You okay?
Yeah, it's just--
l've never done this before...
Not while l'm with another person.
Sure.
- Don't get me wrong. - l understand.
l want this as much as you do...
but l need to be honest with everyone.
Right.
l better get going.
Okay.
Well, good night.
Good night.
No, this isn't...
this isn't--
l'm sorry... l can't do this.
l gotta go.
Honey, are you okay?
Yeah, of course l am, baby.
- You sure? - l'm fine.
l want y ou to make you feel really good.
Yeah?
l know something y ou're really going to love.
Bianca...
l don't know--
What's wrong?
l don't want it to be lik e this. l want it to be special.
lt's already special.
No, B ianca.
¡No! ¡Por favor!
You know what?
l give up!
We'v e been dating for almost a month
and you still don't want to fuck me.
Bianca, l like you.
l just don't want to do it here.
Why not? This is a luxury car!
What l'm trying to say is that...
l want our first time to be really special.
Oh, my God...
You mean?
That's why l'm taking my time.
l want to make sure that you're the one.
''The One?''
Sí, mi amor.
Oh, my God. l am so sorry.
And here l am acting like a cheap little slut.
l'm so sorry...
Will you ever forgive me?
We ll, l'll think about it...
Sí, mi amor, te perdono.
Ay, l'm sorry, papi.
lf we're gonna plan our future together,
we have to learn to all get along.
We?
Well, since your mother is coming back from Me xico,
l thought it was about time you met my family.
Oh, mi amor. l love you.
Of course l want to sell this house.
l just need to talk to Wesley.
l'll do it tonight, l promise.
Okay. Bye.
Wesley, why is the door open?
Wes?
Where are you?
Wes?
Oh, God !
Oh, my God !
Please ! Just take whatever you want.
Please don't hurt me.
You can have this - it's a Rolex!
[men giggling]
(Wesley ) l'm thinking of adding a deck.
You have done such an incredible job!
What are these people doing here? !
These are my new buddies.
l'm starting a gay AA meeting in the house.
Does anybody want some cake?
lt's homemade.
Everyone, this is Jonathan.
Hi, Jonathan !
We need to talk. Now!
l'm Luis, and l'm an alcoholic.
( all) Hi, Luis !
(Wesley ) l told you - l'm not selling this house !
(Jonathan ) Then it's over between us, because l hate it here.
This is my 20th day without drugs,
alcohol, crack, poppers--
(Jonathan ) Damn right l'm going !
l'm not gonna stay in a house full of cholos !
Cholos? l am gonna slap that bitch !
Girl, you better work on that resentment.
(Wesley ) Have a good fucking life ! !
(Jonathan ) Give me my bag !
Take it! lt's a fucking knock off!
¡Dios mío! ¡Esto es te leno ve la !
Adiós !
[door slams]
''She'' didn't even give me her Rolex.
M'hija, it was probably a fake...
just like her hair. She's all stupid.
Shit, l need a drink.
¡Salud !
As soon as Pablito told me about you,
l come to fly out to visit you and meet you.
Hey!
l didn't spend $ 8,000 on liposuction
just to see you fat again !
So, you like to cook?
Of course she does.
Can't you see they own a restaurant?
l learned from the best, right mami?
Doña Sara, more wine?
Please !
Mr. and Mrs. Morales, have you met my grandson, Diego?
- No. - Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
You didn't mention you had such a handsome nephew.
Pablo and Dieguito have been very close friends for years.
They have?
How come you didn't invite them to go hunting?
ln Texas, we love our guns !
Sounds great.
You and l would enjo y play ing hunters.
Doña Sara, what's happened to this place?
There's no business anymore.
That's what l'd like to know.
[scream of joy]
¡Sí, mi amor!
lt's about time, my son !
l was beginning to worry about you !
What do you think, mami?
l'm speechless.
l guess that means l'm gonna be your uncle,
and you're gonna be my little nephew.
This is so exciting !
You're gonna have to help me plan the wedding.
l'm moving to Phoenix.
No, Diego, you can't leave because l need a best man.
Did you hear that?
He wants Diego to be the best man !
l've made plans - l'm leaving.
And l'm going to put Diego in charge of the bachelor party.
l've been to a few of those.
They can get so wild !
l say we do it in Vegas.
Oh, my God !
l don't want to know what you two are going to do over there.
To the happy couple !
¡Aver un traguito!
Bianca, it's me again !
l need to talk to you. Please call me.
Diego Campos, tú eres el hombre de mivida.
That means you're the man of my dreams.
l'm really busy. l'm really tired.
You don't know what kind of day l've had.
l want to talk to you.
Why? Shouldn't you be home?
ln bed? With your boyfriend?
lsn't that what boyfriends do?
Jonathan and l broke up.
Right, right.
You guys have been together for two years,
you bought a house -
and you expect me to believe that it's over?
Are you kidding me?
Sí.
Get out of here.
No, no quiero.
l don't have time for Spanish lessons.
l'm incredibly busy. l have--
Stop that! What are you doing?
l need to get organized.
l need to get a U-Haul. l need to finish packing.
l need to get masking tape. Do you have any idea
how hard it is to get masking tape in LA?
lt's really hard.
This fee ls really good.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
lt is.
You're the first person l can be honest with -
just be myself.
l don't want to get involved.
l don't.
At the rate we're going,
the U-Haul is going from my house right into your drive way.
l'll help you unpack.
l'm leaving in a week.
And that's final.
l know.
A week...
That means l have 168 hours to change your mind.
168 hours?
You figured that out--
That was quick, wasn't it?
lt was quick.
lt's cold.
( male ) Are you sure about this?
l'm not moving until l leave with what l came with.
Your dignity? Too late.
Wesley!
Oh, him. Definitely too late.
The hell it is !
Well, are y ou gonna help me or what?
[honking horn]
Ahem.
¡Abue la !
Hi, grandma. What are you doing here?
l own this place...
l think.
Sorry.
l worked really late last night.
And had a visitor.
l didn't think you'd approve.
Ay, Diego, por favor...
What other choice do l have?
You're my only grandson and l love you.
l just didn't think you were with the right person.
You mean, your future son-in-law?
What's happened around here?
l'm gone for a month, the chef dies,
the restaurant is bankrupt,
your ex-boyfriend is now engaged to my daughter,
and l find you in bed with the gringo
from across the street!
You know, we talked about you running the restaurant,
but l think it's best we sell.
You want to sell this place?
Well, l don't want to run it,
and your heart is somewhere else.
This way, you can go and make it on your own,
be a famous chef,
open your fancy restaurant.
What's wrong? lsn't that what you wanted?
(Wesley ) Good morning.
l'm Wesley.
You must be Mrs. Campos, Diego's grandmother.
Wesley. Very nice to meet you.
Call me Sara.
How was Mexico?
Guadalajara is beautiful.
l've decided to retire there.
You have?
Yeah.
When?
ln about two weeks.
There's no reason for me to stay here -
especially now that Diego is leaving.
Pablo could se ll this place.
He y, you better talk to Bianca about her fiancé.
l've tried.
l've left over four messages.
Ay, she'll never learn.
Don't l look like a princess?
l fucked Pablo.
Excuse me?
Pablo and l have been screwin' around for over a year.
Cut it out. That's not funny.
l'm serious.
You're lying. Pablo wants to marry me.
We're having children together.
l didn't want to tell y ou. Trust me, l didn't.
lt's true.
Ask Pablo.
l get it. This is a joke, right?
Where is he?
Pablo come out here.
Come out wherever you are.
Bianca ! Pablo is never coming out.
You're making all this up.
No, l'm not. l wish l were, but l'm not.
Okay... describe his penis.
Fat, uncut, with a dark beauty mark--
[loud scream]
Jonathan...
Jonathan !
Are you okay?
Did you see who did it?
l ran out because l heard noises...
They ganged up on me...
they held me down...
Did they?
Worse...they...
Oh, my God.
l'm so scared...
Pablo! You better call me.
Now!
- ls that the dress you want? - The wedding is off!
l am serious, you fucking cocksucker!
l am leaving and l'm never coming back.
Your Dieguito can tell you what happened.
Oh, good. You told her!
You knew?
You guys are sick.
No! You stay away from me !
What's wrong with me?
Why can't l find lov e just like everyone else?
l am beautiful, l am funny,
l'm a great cook...
l give great head !
¡Ay, Bianca ! ¡Por favor!
You never loved me.
You've always preferred your grandson.
- El mariconcito. - No!
Let's talk about this like a family.
Like a family? What a joke !
No! Don't go!
Let's talk about this !
Please ! l'm sorry l didn't tell you !
Bianca !
Hi. lt's me...
Diego... Your nephew...
El mariconcito.
Listen, l'm thinking of stay ing in LA.
And l think you should come back and, you know...
help me run the restaurant, if you want...
Okay, call me.
Run the restaurant?
We've had no customers since Don Rogelio died.
Ay, con candles y todo. Qué romantic.
ls that for us?
lt's for me and my boyfriend.
l have a date.
l guess conversion therapy never works.
Don't say that.
lt worked for Mr. Martínez and Mr. Gonzáles.
Not really.
l heard they left their wives and ran away together.
They're opening up a bed and breakfast...
in Ensenada.
Come on, don't cry.
Sounds like they're happy.
Maybe.
l just wish you and l would have been happy together.
(Wesley ) l'm sorry.
l can come back later.
No, it's okay.
l was just leaving.
Good luck.
lf you hurt him, l will kill you.
Guess what?
l've been thinking about it...
and l don't want to move to Phoenix anymore.
l'm staying.
You are?
Yeah.
lsn't that what we discussed 12 hours,
10 minutes and 2 seconds ago?
Diego, we need to talk.
Oh, shit.
What's wrong?
Am l moving too fast?
Maybe l should have warned you -
Latinos, we don't mess around. When we fall, we fall.
l don't know if y ou'v e heard,
but last night our house was vandalized
and poor Jonathan was attacked, beaten up.
What was he doing there?
You said y ou guys broke up.
- You lied to me? - No.
We had broken up...
So, y ou're back together?
You don't understand.
There's a lot of history between Jonathan and me.
l do understand.
l was just the flavor of the week - right?
That's not true.
You went South of the Border, sampled the menu, liked it...
but now you're back to your comfort food.
You are so special to me--
No. Stop.
You do not get to dump me and still be the nice guy.
Diego, l--
Go!
Just go!
Get the fuck out of here !
Remind whoever buys the restaurant
that the fridge is brand new.
So make sure you charge them extra.
l'm gonna miss you.
What's wrong with you?
You're making the right choice. You're getting out of here.
l'm the one who should be crying.
l know.
l'm going to move Phoenix, l'm gonna work hard...
make it on my own.
That's right. That's the spirit.
But if things don't work out, you can come live with me.
l have this beautiful house in Guadalajara.
l have this room that overlooks the Plaza.
lt's a guest bedroom just for you.
l'm gonna paint it blue.
You come and stay with me. Okay?
Let's go.
But anytime, you come and visit me.
Hello.
How was Europe?
Europe?
Honey, l ran out of cab fare in Riverside.
What are y ou doing here?
What do you mean?
You left me a message begging me to come back
and help you run the restaurant.
Things have changed.
We need to sell. We're broke.
Well, l don't think we should sell.
With all the gays moving into town,
this is becoming a very fashionable neighborhood.
l say that we fix up the place, change the menu,
double the prices, of course...
You can be the chef and l'll be the hostess.
l told you l'm leaving L.A.
lt would just be for a couple of months.
Forget it... l won't be here.
We can mak e tons of money and have so much fun !
You'll be the hottest chef in town !
Oh, my God - and so popular with the boys.
Can you hear me?
l'm leaving.
All right?
l already made plans.
You can't go. You have to stay.
l don't have to do anything - for anyone.
Diego, please...
l have nowhere to go.
All right...
Let's just say that l was to help you...
just for a couple of months. All right?
We need money.
Where are we gonna find that?
Everything is gonna work out.
Somos familia.
l even figured out a way to forgive Pablo.
l'll kill that bitch !
Shit!
l don't believe this !
l'll fuckin' kill this bitch !
Wes, honey, you better get dressed.
Adam and Steve are going to be here soon.
Or is it Steve and Adam? The top usually goes first.
l called them and told them the deal is off.
l'm not selling.
Oh, come on. Not again.
l'm not moving.
Well, l am.
Then go.
You're gonna have to buy me out.
Whatever you want.
And l'm warning you, it's gonna cost you.
Real estate prices have gone up, which means...
which means we did something right.
l better start packing.
Jonathan...
Don't forget this.
l found it in your car.
Not bad for a Tuesday night.
Not bad at all, Mr. Chef.
Hello, l'm Marisol. And l ordered some food to go.
l'll be right with you.
Another bottle of Pinot Noir for table five.
Right away, Miss Campos.
Call me Blanca.
Hey, what's taking so long?
l'm so sorry, papi. lt's coming.
How much do l owe you?
lt's on the house.
Bon appetit.
That's sweet.
They're giving it to us for free.
Let's just go.
Listen, l know you want to move,
but would you consider staying a little longer?
We're doing so well - l don't want to jinx it.
l'll be right there...
Just think about it. Please.
Felicidades, señor chef.
Hi.
l wanted to go to the restaurant,
but l wasn't sure y ou were ready to see me yet.
Staying?
For now. Yeah.
Here.
A silver bracelet.
How original.
Turn it around. l had your name engraved on it.
lt has a date on it.
That's not my birthday.
lt's the first time we made love...
And hopefully not the last.
l guess we'll see...
Won't we?